1 – Pirates quite possibly utilized eye patches so that they would not be blind when going from bright daylight into the near pitch black below deck on their ship. It would be all too easy for someone to hide in the shadows and leap out and kill you while your eyes adjusted to the darkness. The same principle is useful when using the restroom or other activities during the middle of the night. Keep one eye closed as you flip the light on and tend to your necessities. When you shut the light back off, open the eye that was closed and shut the other eye. You will be able to see as you make your way back to bed. 

2 – Hairspray might be useful in keeping the needles on your living Christmas tree, but it turns the greenery brown and is highly flammable. This is just a fire hazard waiting to happen.

3 – Contrary to our efforts on the playground as kids, you can’t actually swing yourself 360 degrees around a swing set. (Unless you have jets strapped to you back, but then you’re only going to succeed in either setting yourself on fire or strangling yourself.)

4 – Be extremely careful when handling a frozen turkey. Dropping the fowl on your foot will certainly break it. And if your pet is unlucky enough to be in the way, it could receive a broken back and extensive injuries, likely resulting in death. Send Fido and Fluffy away while you’re wrangling that bird.

5 – Weaving the pages of a phonebook together page-by-page makes it nearly impossible to pull apart. Only tanks could do it. A neat trick, but not necessarily a good use for your time, as it would take hours to interweave all those pages.